THINGS DAVE HAS SAID
(About Childhood) "I mean, I had an older sister and a younger sister and a mom and dad and played little league baseball and had a tree house, you know, dropped out of school in the fourth grade and ran away, was tortured by circus people, found me naked and wandering in the desert six weeks later. Other than that, it was okay."
"For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home."
"I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red."
"I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious."
"Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger."
"The worst tempered people I have ever met were those who knew that they were wrong."
"Wherever we've travelled in this great land of ours, we've found that people everywhere are about 90% water."
"I wouldn't give your troubles to a monkey on a rock"
"Anything worth doing is worth overdoing."
"In Hollywood, Oscar is king."
"There is no off position on the genius switch."
"You know, they don't give these shows to chimps!"
"Show me Squid!"
"We can all sleep easy at night knowing that somewhere at any given time, the Foo Fighters are out there fighting Foo."
"If it wasn't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsover."
"I'm a wiseass and a smartass, and I always have been."
"I got my lips chewed off by a dingo!"
"The only way you learn about life is looking at things that don't go well."
"You folks are easily entertained, and boy, did you come to the right place."
"They don't give this show to chimps."
"Night after night it's the same nonsense, yes. We get a really good idea, and then we'll do it every night for a couple months, and then we'll continue to do it, and then just beat it to death, and then after we've beaten it to death, we'll do it for another year."
"Comedians are depressed,nasty, sullen, backbiting and jealous."
"Some people are born not to be happy people. I am one of them."
"I must have been miserably drunk."
"(I was) raised by poodles. Did you know that? Was that in your notes?"
(About Letterman Viewers) "It's a lot of college kids and prisoners and stuff."
"What a fine show we have slapped together at the last minite for you people tonight"
WHAT OTHERS SAY ABOUT DAVE
"Very often comedians creep into our hearts by exposing their own. Letterman remains guarded and has therefore set himself apart. In every generation there are only a few people who break the boundaries of comedy and invent a new form. Letterman can tell a very dumb joke and look very smart doing it. He has a wonderful sense of the ridiculous filtered through the complex mind of a comic virtuoso." -Barbara Walters
"Dave is one of the few performers who can say something real vicious and have it come across as a cute aside." - Jay Leno
"I think he showed why he's the best guy in late night. What Letterman has been trying to portray is that it's more than about jokes. The reason he is so fascinating...is because he's so unexpected." - CBS President Les Moonves
"...Audiences think of us as this pair, a comedy team that they like, and I just enjoy being with him, talking to him. He's a really interesting valuable person." - Julia Roberts
"[David Letterman] does it better than just about anybody" - Conan O'Brien